Waiting for Agnes

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Zero perspective October 20, 2010

Filed under: No baking today,Parenting — titchandboofer @ 7:04 am
Tags: , ,

I haven’t posted for about a hundred years.

For approximately seventy-eight of those years I have had a thumping headache.

The beloved has been at work all day, every day for the past eighty-two years.

Small hasn’t slept more than a minute at night for the past ninety-nine years.

He hasn’t slept because he has been busy breastfeeding every minute.

Every other minute he screeches like a furious crow and breakdances round the bed and pillows, executing fast kicks to the bladder.

Am sure he is screeching and writhing in agonising pain, as I am a dreadful parent who has given him too much cows milk. And biscuits, mustn’t forget the biscuits.

Have surely set him up to have some lifelong dairy/wheat/food generally intolerance.

My brain is irreversibly besludged and I will never be able to think coherently again.

Re-enrolling to do my masters was worst idea ever, as thoughts of multitasking completely paralyse me. Also, see above.

Have not called Centrelink, despite writing ‘call centrelink’ on thirty-eight different lists.

Will probably be sent to prison for diddling them out of their seventy-five cents a week.

Have also failed to rsvp to things, answer phone calls, return messages or respond to simple requests.

Suspect is good thing I cannot be sent to prison for being crap friend.

Obviously we can never have more children. Am unable to wrangle just one.

 

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